Applause

On Monday I took a test. And you know how you can tell how the entire test is going to play out just by reading that first question? Well my stomach hit the floor when I read the first question. Um did we cover this? *Looks around* I AM in nursing school right? Not medical school? Okay it wasn't that bad but the rest of the test was pretty shaky. And the group test we took right after only aggravated the sickness building up in my stomach. Wait I missed that one? Where was I when she went over incentive spirometer's lowering a postoperative patient's temperature? Leaving class on Monday I was pretty confident in my low test grade.  Then on Wednesday, right after clinicals, our teacher let us know she wouldn't be posting the grades and instead we were having a test review that she "strongly recommended" we attend on Friday. There were six of us students in that little room in the hospital and with the tiredness from having done clinicals plus the stress of that test, we all were laughing. About everything and anything. I'm sure our clinical instructor just wanted us out of there. Anyway, Friday comes and the tension in the room is palpable- just like a patient's bladder if its full (okay that was a test question that I missed). Everyone is nervously laughing about the test and how we were going to get a severe tongue lashing. The two teachers file in, looking serious and determined.  Instructions were given succinctly: they were going to hand back the tests and the scantrons and read each question, the answer, and the rationale. No questions were allowed...okay they didn't SAY that but you could tell that's what  they meant. So when one student did ask an annoying question (there is one in every class and whenever they talk, you kind of put your head down in embarrassment for them and pity for the teacher), the answer was curt. No more questions after that.  I barely passed the test. Others completely failed it. As we handed back our tests, I put my head down, exhausted and disappointed. I had already kicked myself enough to leave bruises; there was only one way to go and that was forward. No more breaks when I hadn't done any work. This was serious. This was my freakin' career. 

The teacher spoke. We were going to retake the test. My brain doesn't quite register this. She continues. If we score between a 95-100, we add 15 points to our test grade. 90-95, add 10 points. And so forth. My brain is about twenty miles behind and my heart is racing 100 mph. (That might have been from the quickly downed Rockstar) We have a five minute break so everyone scrambles out of their seats to go to the bathroom, sharpen pencils, I mention a bridge. Five minutes are up and we all retake the exact same test. Well, the answers were switched up a bit. Yeah everyone got a 100 that second time. Um except for me. Okay okay my pencil was filling in those bubbles faster than my mind could read them and I realized after I handed it that I mismarked one. One that I had gotten right the first time around. One more good solid kick. But I fell with in the 95-100 so those fifteen points are so mine. 

But a retake? I still can't believe it. Granted, when the majority of the class does poorly on a test, that is pretty much a reflection on the teacher. But the teacher wasn't bad. She's really good. I think it was the chosen questions. Some of those seriously came out of nowhere. But I am so grateful we were able to do that. I genuinely believe that our teacher wants us all to pass. Pass her class. Make it to the next term. Make it to graduation. And finally, pass the boards. 

Today was a cap on a good week. I had good days in the hospital. I gave my first injection and the patient survived. I got a new phone. Discovered where I can get bulk candy without having to go to Costco. Ran up the near vertical hill to the Astoria column and survived. My sister got a job. And my sister in law gave me a compliment about my appearance (someone told her I was pretty and who can't help but smile when told that). Its all about moving forward. Or up. Whichever.

Joanna and the dogs

This is yesterday morning, as described by my sister Joanna. After reading it, I couldn't stop laughing.

Okay, the story about the dogs is pretty funny. Cameron and Ella were over this morning and I'm lounging around in my pajamas, waiting until they leave so I can take a shower. Mom, however, is fully dressed (this is important later). We're downstairs, Ella is on Mom's computer and Cameron's just sort of walking around. All of a sudden, Gretchen and Austin break out in this barking frenzy. Mom exclaims "Oh, there's a squirrel in the backyard." I can't see it but the dogs keep barking and barking and it's getting really annoying. I egg Mom on "C'mon, just let them out. They can't do anything." 

 Mom, on her own volition and FREE AGENCY, opens the door. * This is also very important *

 Gretchen and Austin, at breakneck speed, dash across the patio, RUN OVER Mom's little wire fence that wouldn't keep anything out, and then up the steps. Gretchen is wriggling under the wooden fence in the back before it has hit Mom what really is happening. She freaks out as she realizes Gretchen is on the OTHER side of our property and at the same time, Austin is leaving his mark all over the kids play area.

 I'm just laughing. 

 Mom puts on Dad's shoes and clumps across the frozen patio, screaming "Gretchen?! Austin?! Treat?!? Ride!?! Green bean!?!? CARROT!?!?" The last word was with a particular note of desperation as Gretchen is clearly not interested in what Mom is saying. Austin, his first and foremost thoughts always on food, comes trotting obediently into the house.

 I'm starting to feel bad for Mom at this point.

 I start yelling at Gretchen and now with two adults screaming desperately about treats and carrots and you better come inside, she slowly makes her way back down the steps, over the broken gate, and into the house.

 Mom closes the door and doesn't speak to me.

 I start laughing again.

 Me: "C'mon, you can't be mad at me for that."

Mom: "I am so mad."

Me: "I didn't know they would do that."

Mom: "Yes, yes you did. And I nearly broke my neck with Dad's shoes on that patio."

Me: "They were never in any danger."

Mom: "Gretchen got on the other side of the fence!" (apparently this is equal to when the Cubans crossed the 43rd parallel in the Cuban Missile Crisis)

Me: "It was funny!"

Mom: "You kept telling me they'd be okay..." And then she was off on plans on further fortifying the backyard against the dachshund escaping.

 Gretchen and Austin got their treats. And because Cameron had been there the whole time and kept hearing the word "Treat!" yelled over and over, he wandered into the kitchen, wondering where his treat was.

 Mom put him in the high chair with a granola bar.

 I sat back on the couch, still laughing.

 Best. Morning. Ever.

Sometimes You Do Learn Something

Why is it that your mother is usually right in the end? Well she was about the boy situation. But hopefully she won't be about my bones breaking when I'm thirty from my Diet Dr. Pepper habit. Anyway, I've learned that sometimes sitting in the front row of church isn't always a bad thing. And being preoccupied with a nursing test is a good thing. Finally, I need not to judge people so quickly. But this is what I've learned this past week about something. This is from an email my lovely friend let me dump on her. 

Anyway, I've decided not to go to single adult activities/institute for right now because I just get upset and obviously am too preoccupied to learn anything spiritually. That is what is frustrating me the most. How this one boy gets in the way of me trying to concentrate at church. For example, today. We were late, as usual (four kids you know? and my sister in law was sick) so I'm walking in late with my niece and my brother has chosen the front bench. Wonderful so we have to walk by everyone. Luckily I thought I looked pretty good. Which I never think but hey, all that running has to pay off somehow right? Anyway, I sit down, look up and whoa. The entire choir is sitting on the stand and who is sitting about 100 feet from me? Yeah. Dylan. Worse, he is sitting next to this young 18 year old just back from her first semester at BYU-I. *Rolls eyes.* But, I've decided NOT to care. Apparently my mind didn't get the memo. Because all through sacrament, etc. I am very aware that I can see him and vice versa. So the talks were on prayer, etc. and I am trying so hard to pay attention and get something, anything out of it and yeah. Has that ever happened to you? Its sooo annoying. Anyway, sacrament ends and he walks right by me, not saying anything. But I smile at my brother and go sit near the back for Sunday School because I AM over this. But someone has a cruel sense of humor because yeah, he sits next to me for Sunday School. Actually there was enough space between us for a small child which only further irritated me. Either sit by me or don't but don't play lukewarm k? Grrr. He asks me why I didn't go to the activity last night (um I had to study. Well actually I ran and watched Bones but study sounded better). He teased me about how Moses was in the Bible- stuff like that. Stuff that I so did NOT need at the moment. Not when I was just getting over the whole thing. By the time Sunday School ended I was furious. At him for sitting next to me and then abruptly walking away when I asked him where he had been going when I saw him when I was running. And at myself for thinking he might like me because he sat next to me. *throws hands up* I went to RS, hung out with people who actually make sense, and then I was waiting with my brother for the rest of the kids and he walks right by me. I can see him glance toward me out of the corner of my eye but he keeps walking. So I pulled out my .22 and shot a light out. No. But I felt like it. But as I left church, I wasn't as mad as I thought. Why? Because of those two words you said awhile back. "Not yet." Because even though I think I might want to date him and fall in love and yadda yadda yadda, school is what I'm doing right now and I am so not going to fail nursing school over a boy. Especially since I want to marry a MAN. And you're married FOREVER. Thinking that, singleness is looking mighty appealing. I can go running whenever I want, eat Lean Cuisines every night for dinner, and sleep soundly in my twin bed ( I hate anything bigger). 

Sunny

Its been eight days since the sun has been out and every morning I wake up, expecting to see clouds and rain, but nope. Its still sunny.  I can go for a run without getting soaked and the blue sky and water is really amazing. I could almost live here permanently...almost. This week has been so much better, due mostly to Katie sending an email with two words that I've been repeating to myself often: Not Yet. Patience is something I really need to work on and it seems when you pray for patience, you are given plenty of opportunities to try it out. But yeah. The weather, the fact I had five days off of school, and that my knees miraculously are holding up to forty miles a week all makes me smile. The two tests I have looming on the horizon make me a little nervous, but that is what school is for. To even out everything. And whenever I need a nice break from study guides or trying to diagnose my brother in the kitchen, I can go outside. Without getting wet.

Figuring Things Out

This past week has taken a long time to end.  It started last Sunday when I got dressed for church.  Normally I throw a skirt on and am out the door in a few minutes, but last Sunday I actually took my time. I put on make up. Okay just mascara and lip gloss but that is more than I usually do. And I did my hair. I never do my hair- its always in a pony tail.  Anyway, I did all this for a stupid reason. Yeah. A boy. When said person didn't say a word to me at church, I kicked myself all through Relief Society.  But that's not the part I gave up at. That happened Monday when I went to a social event.  During that hour and a half I was there I felt older than everyone else. I AM older than all the others, by at least three years. I'm not saying I am the most mature person but I certainly felt my 25 years.  After three straight days of clinicals and another institute class where the same thing pretty much happened, I remembered why I stayed home so many Monday nights at BYU. Awkwardness is pretty much me in a big group of people. I never know what to say so I don't say anything. And then I end up coming off as mad or something. But what I figured out this week is patience. I need to have patience in so many things in my life. School. My nephew. And becoming more social. I know I won't be the girl talking to everyone at church tomorrow, but I'll smile. And if that boy doesn't talk to me tomorrow or the rest of the time I'm here, I'll live. 

Highlighting

Three months. I can do three months of reading, going to lecture/lab/clinicals. Sure its a long time to hold your breath (because seriously that is what it feels like I'm doing) but when March 20th rolls around and I have spring break, I can take a deep breath.

I didn't have any class today and my brain was so fried from six hours of lecture yesterday that I took it easy this morning. My sister in law dropped me off at the elementary school where she volunteers and I ran home. In the wind and rain. Eight lovely miles of it. It didn't seem too bad until I actually got home and my knee started yelling at me. Grrr. It better stay okay or I will be so ticked. Tomorrow I have lab from 8:30-3 and then another lab on Thursday from 9-11. Not too bad I guess. Mostly its next week that I can't wait to be over. For some reason, I was scheduled to have clinicals three days in a row. Eight hours each. But actually I used to work twelve hour shifts three days in a row so what am I worrying about?

Worrying about? Yeah how to PAY for all this education. Apparently my bachelors degree is preventing me from simply applying for school loans. I knew that degree was worthless. Here is hoping I finally win the Publisher's Clearing House. Then I would pay for my school. And my sisters. And buy all my siblings a car. Or a house. Or maybe just a dog. :)

School Night

Growing up, my mother would always say "Its a school night." Those four words carried so much weight. It meant alarm clocks had to be set, outfits laid out, homework done, etc. Plus, it produced a feeling of dread that the freedom you had been experiencing from not going to school was abruptly ending. Gulp. I start school tomorrow and from the looks of it, its going to be brutal. Pharmacology. Passing meds to real people (my mom graciously offered herself for injections...of what I don't know). Taking tests. And more tests on top of that. Sigh. I keep telling myself that come May 2010, all my "school nights" will finally be over. 

I'm back at the coast and I woke up yesterday with white streets. Today? Snowed again. Seriously is this winter ever going to be like a regular Oregon winter? Rain. No snow. Just rain. Rain I can drive in. Rain I can run in, leave the house, do everything like it were sunny but just a little wetter. With snow, I can't drive, especially here where the hills are steep. And getting out of the house is a must with the four kids running around (they're doing it right now!). As my older brothers would always say "Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt." 

2009: Mighty Fine

My older sister and I were off and running at midnight this morning for Portland's First Run. The 5K was a simple out and back along the Willamette waterfront, under a few bridges and over a few MAX tracks. There were quite a few costumes, ranging from a guy wearing a huge box (we think he was supposed to be an iPod) to the guy in a full Grinch costume. There was a cow costume as well, complete with a tail and udders. Honestly I don't know how they would run in any of those. On the way back, my sister was mistaken for a doctor (yeah I think it was the glasses Elizabeth) and I didn't tell my mom we were home so she had a restless night. Whoops. :) It rained all day today which I think fits Portland so much better than all that snow we had. My lovely vacation comes to an end tomorrow as I head back to the coast for another semester of nursing school. I'm anxious to hurry up and get back into my school rhythm but am sad to leave, even though I'll only be an hour and a half away. Here is hoping I get another 4.0 semester.