Applause

On Monday I took a test. And you know how you can tell how the entire test is going to play out just by reading that first question? Well my stomach hit the floor when I read the first question. Um did we cover this? *Looks around* I AM in nursing school right? Not medical school? Okay it wasn't that bad but the rest of the test was pretty shaky. And the group test we took right after only aggravated the sickness building up in my stomach. Wait I missed that one? Where was I when she went over incentive spirometer's lowering a postoperative patient's temperature? Leaving class on Monday I was pretty confident in my low test grade.  Then on Wednesday, right after clinicals, our teacher let us know she wouldn't be posting the grades and instead we were having a test review that she "strongly recommended" we attend on Friday. There were six of us students in that little room in the hospital and with the tiredness from having done clinicals plus the stress of that test, we all were laughing. About everything and anything. I'm sure our clinical instructor just wanted us out of there. Anyway, Friday comes and the tension in the room is palpable- just like a patient's bladder if its full (okay that was a test question that I missed). Everyone is nervously laughing about the test and how we were going to get a severe tongue lashing. The two teachers file in, looking serious and determined.  Instructions were given succinctly: they were going to hand back the tests and the scantrons and read each question, the answer, and the rationale. No questions were allowed...okay they didn't SAY that but you could tell that's what  they meant. So when one student did ask an annoying question (there is one in every class and whenever they talk, you kind of put your head down in embarrassment for them and pity for the teacher), the answer was curt. No more questions after that.  I barely passed the test. Others completely failed it. As we handed back our tests, I put my head down, exhausted and disappointed. I had already kicked myself enough to leave bruises; there was only one way to go and that was forward. No more breaks when I hadn't done any work. This was serious. This was my freakin' career. 

The teacher spoke. We were going to retake the test. My brain doesn't quite register this. She continues. If we score between a 95-100, we add 15 points to our test grade. 90-95, add 10 points. And so forth. My brain is about twenty miles behind and my heart is racing 100 mph. (That might have been from the quickly downed Rockstar) We have a five minute break so everyone scrambles out of their seats to go to the bathroom, sharpen pencils, I mention a bridge. Five minutes are up and we all retake the exact same test. Well, the answers were switched up a bit. Yeah everyone got a 100 that second time. Um except for me. Okay okay my pencil was filling in those bubbles faster than my mind could read them and I realized after I handed it that I mismarked one. One that I had gotten right the first time around. One more good solid kick. But I fell with in the 95-100 so those fifteen points are so mine. 

But a retake? I still can't believe it. Granted, when the majority of the class does poorly on a test, that is pretty much a reflection on the teacher. But the teacher wasn't bad. She's really good. I think it was the chosen questions. Some of those seriously came out of nowhere. But I am so grateful we were able to do that. I genuinely believe that our teacher wants us all to pass. Pass her class. Make it to the next term. Make it to graduation. And finally, pass the boards. 

Today was a cap on a good week. I had good days in the hospital. I gave my first injection and the patient survived. I got a new phone. Discovered where I can get bulk candy without having to go to Costco. Ran up the near vertical hill to the Astoria column and survived. My sister got a job. And my sister in law gave me a compliment about my appearance (someone told her I was pretty and who can't help but smile when told that). Its all about moving forward. Or up. Whichever.