The End: 2008

Normally New Year's Eve feels like every other night. There are no parties to attend, no guy to kiss when that one song with the words no one really knows starts to play, none of that. But tonight I'm actually doing something other than sitting inside watching the ball fall, which really already fell. My older sister and I are going on a run that starts at midnight. I think its a great way to start 2009. I always like the odd number years better- I think it looks better to write and I like writing the number nine. So 2009 will be a good year. 2008 was a respectable year. Looking back, here is what happened in my life:

1. I moved back home into my parents house after living in Provo, Utah for six years.

2. A nursing school finally let me in.

3. I got an excellent idea of what its like to live in a house with small children.

4. Learned how to roll vinyl and developed a strong taste for sugar free energy drinks.

5. Lost about 30 pounds but that number might be less given the holiday season.

6. Fell in love with running again.

7. Held a guy's hand for the first time.

8. Kissed a guy for the first time.

9. Drove a stick shift and killed it three times in a row.

10. Went to the beach at midnight.

11. Shot a gun. And I liked it. A lot.

12. Am unemployed for the first time in five years.

13. Got a 4.0 in school.

14. Became an aunt for the nineteenth time.

15. Started a blog.

So that's 2008. A lot of "firsts" for me. I think 2009 will be a year of repeats, hopefully in my grades, relationships, and health. And shooting. Yeah I really liked it.

Getting Warmer

The weather is finally warming up. I think the temperature actually hit forty degrees today and all the snow and ice is melting nicely. Well kind of. All of the streets are clear but the sidewalks aren't which makes for a frustrating run so I usually run on the street anyway. I think I got a few dirty looks today but whatever. Its better that than falling and twisting my ankle. But I haven't driven a car in over two weeks and I seriously miss it. The right one is the gas pedal...right? I have one week left before school starts and I intend to spend as little time indoors as possible. I'm actually very anxious to get back to Astoria and get back in my own rhythm. Not that I don't love being at home, but because I know its not permanent, I just feel an underlying sense of anxiety. And I miss my computer. And my bed. One thing I realized is I really only like sleeping in a twin sized bed. Everything else is just too big. There is not enough me to fill up the mattress. Tomorrow is Sunday and I haven't been to church in two weeks and I hope we still sing Christmas songs because I totally missed out on that this year. Angels We Have Heard on High is the best to sing.

Christmas 2008

Usually there is one specific thing that makes each Christmas that Christmas. For instance, the Christmas of 2007 was the first one I wasn't in Portland but in Utah. When I was eight, my sister was extremely sick with the flu and I spent the majority of my holiday cheer worrying about her. The Christmas in the rental house when we got our first real computer. This Christmas will be remembered as the one where I was stuck inside for almost two weeks because of the snow and Christmas Eve dinner was postponed until Christmas Day. My dad, mom, brother, and sister ate fast food for dinner and I had my Lean Cuisine. It was very odd, knowing that it was the 24th of December and I was eating a heated meal of rice and beans. Every time Christmas ends, I always wonder where I'll be the next year. Last year, I had no idea since I was still applying to school in two different states. Next year, I know I'll be in Oregon. But I hope next year I have an Oregon Christmas- rainy and gray. White Christmas' are nice, just not twelve days of it.

100 Facts

I read on someone else's blog that you should put 100 things about yourself in case someone who doesn't know you is reading your blog. I don't know who else would be reading my blog other than people I know, but I'm stuck inside and waiting for a cake to bake so here it is:

1. I lived in the same zip code until I left for college.
2. There is seventeen years between my oldest brother and I and there are seven boys and three girls.
3. I am an inch taller than my identical twin sister, who is 5’7”.
4. I prefer to eat bananas with a fork because otherwise, you get too much banana in one bite.
5. I’ve finished three marathons: St. George twice and Las Vegas.
6. I don’t know how to drive a stick shift and when a guy tried to teach me, I killed the engine three times in a row.
7. I’ve never been out of the United States and my sister and I decided we are continent bound since our mother doesn’t like water or airplane rides.
8. When I was four, I cut open my forehead on my parent’s glass table and got ten stitches. I had to wear a bandage around my head for an entire year.
9. I can’t sing. And neither can most of my siblings, which makes singing Happy Birthday somewhat amusing.
10. I failed my drivers test because I didn’t get into the correct lane while trying to make a left turn on a one way street. I’m the only one out of the ten kids not to pass on the first time.
11. I went to a BYU ward for six and a half years and only gave one talk.
12. Baywatch was the first television show I remember racing to the TV so I wouldn’t miss it. Thanks Nathan.
13. Matlock was watched on a daily basis during the summer before my freshman year of high school.
14. I’ve only been pulled over once, for speeding. I was nice and polite to the policeman and somehow that got me out of getting a ticket. That or my short gym shorts.
15. When I was little, I asked my mom if she would still be alive when I got married.
16. A book I can read over and over again is Jane Eyre.
17. My favorite ice cream is mint Oreo, preferable from the BYU Creamery.
18. I’ve never broken a bone and I’ve never gotten my heart broken.
19. When I was eleven, I raced my brother on my bike and lost control and knocked out my two front teeth. I now have four fake front teeth.
20. I’m legally blind without my contact lens and am pretty much blind while driving at night.
21. I love hoodies.
21. I prefer to wear clothes at least one size too big.
22. One summer, I bought seven different pairs of Crocs, each a different color.
23. My first music concert was Britney Spears at the county fair.
24. My favorite music concert was Tim McGraw/Faith Hill with my friend Katie.
25. Where the book was better than the movie: The Kite Runner.
26. Where the movie was better than the book: North and South.
27. The most disappointing movie: The X-Files sequel.
28. TV shows I’m watching now: House, Bones, Fringe, Chuck, The Office, and 30 Rock.
29. The book I’m currently reading: Labyrinth by Kate Mosse.
30. Where I want to live when I “grow up”: someplace green and warm.
31. French is a language I would like to learn, though Spanish would be more practical.
32. The first time I heard the term “going out”; I was in sixth grade on the bus. I asked the girl who said she was going out with another boy where they were going. I got a blank look in return.
33. I grew out my bangs for the first time in sixth grade and my math teacher threatened to cut them off because they were always in my eyes.
34. The day I was supposed to get my braces off in eighth grade, I threw up and had to wait two more weeks.
35. I lost my first CTR ring on the soccer field at my elementary school.
36. I’m not a big fan of smoothies; I’d rather chew my meal.
37. When they closed all of the local Chili’s, I was genuinely devastated.
38. I love 80’s rock ballads, especially Meat Loaf, Journey, Bon Jovi, etc.
39. I’m a fan of emo music but I don’t tell a lot of people that.
40. The most I have ever run in one week is forty miles.
41. I took piano lessons for eight years but haven’t played in seven years.
42. I bought my first Mac computer a few months ago and love it.
43. My parents will celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary next year.
44. My mom was born on Christmas.
45. I have the same birthday as Dustin Hoffman and my older sister has the same birthday as Abraham Lincoln. She wins.
46. When I was five or six, I wanted to grow up and have black skin and red hair.
47. In middle school, I decided I would get married by twenty and have twenty kids and name them after Canada provinces.
48. I have an irrational fear of being kidnapped. Watching Law and Order: SVU probably doesn’t help.
49. My back up career is a long haul truck driver; though I think my impaired night vision would disqualify me for that.
50. I am fascinated by mini marts/convenience stores. They have everything.
51. I’ve never held a real gun.
52. I don’t like to dress up for Halloween, mostly because I can never think of anything to be.
53. Sugar Free Rockstar and a Costco size bag of Hershey Kisses got me through my first semester of nursing school.
54. I didn’t get my first cavity until I was 24. And I had six…or eight.
55. My dentist looks like Tom Cruise but more attractive.
56. My first car was a 1985(?) blue Volvo. It was like a Lego on wheels.
57. I don’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or college except Katie.
58. If I’m bored, I’ll take a nap.
59. The one time I dyed my hair almost black, I had to get a new driver’s license. I get the double take look when someone asks for my ID.
60. The first time I went on a place, I was fifteen and we went to Disneyworld.
61. I like to sit in the back row at church.
62. I had croup when I was nine and not being able to breathe was freakin’ scary.
63. Christmas break of 1993, I got the chicken pox really bad. My twin sister got like ten spots.
64. Even though it was “interesting” at times, I loved this last summer where my older sister and her three kids lived with my parents and me.
65. Katie, Joanna, and I can carry on a conversation made up mostly of quotes.
66. I never got into the habit of biting my nails, but I did crack my knuckles a lot in sixth grade.
67. I never went to my high school prom.
68. When people find out I’m a twin, they ask if I can feel pain when she has pain and if we have ESP.
69. My brothers: Christopher, Andrew, Matthew, Joshua, Nathan, Aaron, Seth, Eric (in-law).
70. My sisters: Elizabeth, Joanna, (in-law): Amy, Jolene, Alycia, Heather, Jen.
71. I have nineteen nieces and nephews and I only know the month they were born.
72. I discovered Twilight a good year before it became a hit. I read a review of it in one of those free magazines they put on everyone’s doorstep in Provo.
73. Oatmeal is a food I could eat everyday for the rest of my life.
74. In elementary school, I hated having a summer birthday because I was never sung to at school or had the cupcakes brought in.
75. I can’t parallel park and get confused on which way to turn the wheel if I think about it too much when I am just backing up normally.
76. I never drink water or milk: just Diet Dr. Pepper. My mom says my bones are probably worse than hers.
77. When my first pet died, he was face down in his food dish (he was a parakeet). Joanna laughed and I cried and my older brother helped me bury him in a shoe box in the backyard of our rental house. I was in seventh grade.
78. I think white chocolate and Swedish fish are disgusting.
79. I like the words disenchanted, superfluity, and shattered. I hate the word moist.
80. Skip Bo was a game I played with my Grandma when I stayed at her house. I had the deluxe version- it came with a board.
81. One time, Joanna and I played Monopoly and I owned the two rich sides and she owned the two poor sides but I kept lending her money. We ended up making more money out of paper so we could keep playing.
82. It takes about fourteen hours to drive from Portland, Oregon to Provo, Utah. I think I’ve been on that trip at least twenty times.
83. I haven’t owned a swimsuit in at least five years.
84. I have a café au lait birthmark on my right wrist.
85. My second favorite job was being an ice-cream scooper/cake builder at Baskin Robbins while in high school.
86. My favorite job (so far) was being a patient care tech in the ICU in Provo.
87. I’ve thrown up in every house I’ve lived in. And some I visit (he he Katie.)
88. Even though I’m twenty five, I get mistaken for being a teenager quite a bit. My mom says it’s my lack of make up.
89. I hate wearing make up.
90. I love discovering new music and love it even more when other people like it too.
91. I’m not a big cook. I could eat a Lean Cuisine dinner every night for the rest of my life and be fine with that.
92. My favorite hymn is How Firm a Foundation.
93. My favorite song is Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional.
94. I look horrible in yellow and decent in blue and brown.
95. I’ve never been on a motorcycle but I rode on a moped once and freaked out.
96. My dad tells really corny jokes and his humor has been passed on to all of us.
97. I hate the snow because I can’t drive in it, it means the weather is cold, and running in it is frustrating.
98. The only natural disaster I’ve ever been in was an earthquake that wasn’t even that big. I think the scariest one to be in would be a tornado. Or a tsunami. Maybe a hurricane…
99. I check ew.com and tvguide.com at least five times a day. And my email at least fifty.
100. I would rather be hot than cold.

Confectioner's Sugar

A winter storm warning has been issued. Officially. But really, just look outside and its all white. On my run this morning, I passed a few other runners and we exchanged the wave that says "Hey I'm glad to see someone else out here; running is great huh?" I came thisclose to falling but managed to catch myself, though I still got that adrenaline rush that happens. I'm stuck indoors because my parents had "errands" to run. *rolls eyes* And I thought it was really Santa that gave me a present every year. So instead of shuffling through the mall, I'm baking. And there is powdered sugar everywhere. I was determined when I started out that I would keep my workspace clean. There is something about powdered sugar that it just goes everywhere and when you try to clean it up, you end up making a bigger mess than you had started out with.

I'd like to thank my best friend (who is not my sister) for her uncanny ability to find awesome songs. With the parents gone and only two dachshunds here, I can turn up the music as loud as I want. Thanks Katie :) I love October Day and Thriving Ivory. Though such music tends to set off my imagination and can sometimes induce melancholy. Usually when this happens, a quick jaunt sets me right but since the weather is so not cooperating, I will just turn up the volume.

Plastic

Seven days left until Christmas. Or, as many stores will inform you, seven shopping days left until Christmas. Blue skies were seen briefly this afternoon so, after completing a very frustrating run (eight miles is extremely annoying to run when most of the sidewalks are slushy), I went with my parents to the mall. I think the last time I went to the mall before Christmas was when the hot toy of the year was Elmo. Today, the mall corridors were not as packed as I remembered, but there were still the same crowds of middle schoolers trying to look like high schoolers, high schoolers attempting to appear legal, and mixed in were the mothers pushing double-wide strollers. Here is what I saw:

Bath and Body Works: This was the first store we went too and seriously, can anyone really smell anything in that store? Everything begins to smell like Warm Sugar Vanilla or Sweet Pea. I overheard a mother, pushing what seemed like a triple-wide stroller, say "I have to leave- people keep giving me dirty looks." I felt kinda bad for the mother but the store was really packed- with people and merchandise. I left my own mother in the long line and pulled my dad out, saying the less people in that store, the better.

Foot Locker and other shoe stores: I'm trying to find shoes for my sister. And really, it shouldn't be so complicated. Chuck All Stars are popular and all the stores I went to had them. But when I asked the sales person for the color "unbleached white", blank stares was the answer I got. One guy, who looked like Napolean Dynamite, stated "Do you mean like yellow?" Um, if I meant yellow, I would have said yellow. But thanks and keep up the good work.

Miller Paint: So this store wasn't at the mall but I had to get an empty paint can and since I hate going into stores where the goods favor the male gender (Home Depot falls into the category as well), I dragged my dad in with me. As we wound our way to the back, I frantically searched the shelves for what I needed. No such luck- we would have to ask the six (really? six guys? do that many people need paint in the middle of December) guys behind the counter. The tall one, Aaron I think, got me the paint can and then proceeded to take his time getting my change. Seriously. I handed him my two dollars and then, it seemed like ten minutes later, I got my quarter back. For a brief second, I thought he was going to pocket the quarter- you know, like when your only change is a penny and you and the cashier have an unspoken understanding that you really don't need that penny weighing down your wallet. Then, another guy who was trying to "assemble" the paint can (put the handle on), dropped it and the clanging noise made all the other guys look over. Mr. Butterfingers then walks around the counter and hands it to me saying "Do you need help out?" It took me off guard and then the laughing of all the other boys helped me regain my focus and I politely said no. And dang it, I felt myself blush as the laughter followed us out the front door. Seriously though. Boys.

Grocery shopping aside, I think I'm done mall shopping for the year. Malls are too stuffy and too crowded and my hands always feel like they've been rubbed in lip gloss for some odd reason. I prefer online shopping where the lines are non existent, I can find the bathroom much easier, and, when I get bored, I can find the exit faster.

Try Not to Slip

It never snows here. Okay, well it does sometimes. But not enough to count. And when the white stuff actually hits the ground, everything stops. Schools close. The speed limit suddenly drops to five miles an hour. The weather becomes the only thing discussed on the news and it is pretty much analyzed from every view point until even I could tell you the weather pattern for the next few days. Its really quite amusing. What isn't so great is its makes running outside a bit complicated. I've run in snow before and I think its a little like running on sand-except you could fall. And its colder. Yesterday the wind was high so I didn't venture out so by this afternoon I was going crazy to get out there. And it wasn't too bad. There were a few sketchy spots (going around a blind curve increased my adrenaline a tad) but I didn't slip once. Only when I was done with my run and was trying to put my hair back up did I almost fall. Twice. Unfortunately another storm is coming tommorrow with even more snow. But I don't care; I'm going to go out and run anyway. Hey, at least the cars will be going slow enough. Right?

Forty

Forty is a pretty good number. It rained for forty days and nights for Noah. People always get sympathetic when you hit your fortieth birthday. Most speed limits not in residential neighborhoods are 40 mph. The average work week is forty hours. And forty miles. I ran forty miles in one week. And since I don't run all that fast, that's a lot of hours. But I figure its time well spent. Especially when I have new songs to listen to or the weather is nice (or stormy) or I have a bundle of stress that needs to be ironed out. The only downside is what do I do when I've already run? Um, go for another run? I've beaten the kissing issue up this whole week on my runs, replaying it and then erasing it and then on and on and on. Whatever. Or, in other words, Mmmmm whatcha say?

The Suspense Is Over

I  have watched endless scenes, in the movies, on television, the random fan video on youtube and of course, read about it. But its never happened to me. Until last night. Well actually this morning. And after all that, all the "knowledge" I gained from all those valid sources, I was left with the question of "that's it?" Not that it was a bad experience, just not what I was expecting.  I wasn't planning on it happening, but it did. And I really need to move on. I spent an entire Saturday stressing about it, worrying that I did it wrong, that I am bad person, that I led the other person on. Am I over analyzing this whole situation? To everyone else I spoke with, my sister, my mom, my best friend, they all laughed and said it will get better.  I questioned their laughter and got the answer that they were laughing because I said the experience was "gross." Yes. It was. Just a little. They don't show that in the movies. They don't explain what to do with your hands, what you should be thinking. They tend to leave out a lot of details I would have found very useful.  But life is not a movie. Not matter how much I want it to be. I will not be swept off my feet nor will I fall head over heels. And if I do, I will be pleasantly surprised instead of wondering what I was hoping for. Because that's what happened here. I don't blame the other person, they knew what they were doing (at least I think they were) and yeah, I kind of opened the gate to the whole situation. But I didn't know what was behind that gate. Honestly. Did. Not. Know. And now I do. And again, I need to move on. When I watch the movie scene and when I read that vital paragraph, I will think "that is so not how it is." Because really. It was just a kiss.

Downhill

I read a few weeks ago that when a person hits 25 years of age, they are technically in the "prime of their life." Physically speaking. Wait what? *Look down* This is as good as it will get? Its all downhill from here? Great. Wonderful. I discreetly look at older people and they look all right. Not falling apart or anything...but then again, support clothing these days does wonders. 

Running today was good, mostly because my brother introduced me to a new band called The Airborne Toxic Event and I have been listening to them non-stop. Something about the guys voice brings all the angst leftover from the teen years to the surface. But in a good way. And I'm glad I found them since I can't listen to Angels and Airwaves anymore without thinking of him. Grr. And I really liked that band. And I don't think I even liked him that much. But one time at work that song was playing and he looked really good that day and work was so boring and my imagination went into overdrive. Basically Angels and Airwaves is still a superb band. But I think I need to take a break from them for awhile. Listen to some more Airborne. And Dashboard. Dashboard will always work.